I don't often talk about this subject publicly but I want all you childless mothers to know that I feel your pain. Yes it is hard and it hurts! I want to share an experience. My last doctor's appointment/test results were negative. Not Pregnant again! I thought that would be for sure the month that it would take. I thought what next, invitro or adoption but neither of those felt right? I didn't cry on the way home. For the first time in my life I got angry at God. I was tired of being sad, and hopeful, and powerless. I didn't want to pray or read my scriptures. Finally the next day I broke down and decided to read about Job because his life was full of so many trials. While reading about Job in the Bible Dictionary I cross referenced D&C 122 which was given to the prophet Joseph in liberty jail. After listing all of the terrible things that had happened or could happen to Joseph the Lord says, "that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?" Things I'd already told myself but they didn't sink in until I read them in context. That changed my heart and I was able to start reconstructing. I never thought in a million years that I would be saying this but here it is..."If this is what it takes to come closer to my Heavenly Father, closer to Troy, and more empathetic to others then by all means, bring it on!"
Thursday, October 2, 2008
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11 comments:
Thank you for those words. I needed to hear them too. It get's frustrating but I know it will all work out the way it is supposed to. (Easier said then done). I have been surprised to how many women in the church have problems getting pregnant. I never imagined it would take me this long. I am working on being patient. One thing I do know is that when I do have children how much more grateful I will be for them because of what I have had to go through in order to get them (granted, I know there are so many other women who are going through more than I am) I just never imagined it would take this long. I just thought it would happen right away. Overall, I have been grateful for this experience. It has helped me to learn and grow. I love ya girl! If you every need anything just let me know! :)
Bekah, you've been in my thoughts... keep up with your wonderful tenacity!
Rebekah, sorry. Hope you get a turn. I love you and Troy. Thanks for being in my family. We're still learning how to blog. Yesterday I finally was able to read the comments on our blog! Hopefully you can get this. Becca
Rebekah,
I went to Liberty Jail after it was restored and the three sections of the D&C that the prophet Joseph Smith received there were engraved on large marble tablets a story high. When I read "if thou endure it well, my son…," the WELL kept popping out at me like a blinking neon sign. And, “…the son of man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” was very humbling for me.
At that point in my life, my ex-husband had kidnapped my two boys who were 3 and 4 1/2 and I didn't even know where they were. I kept thinking, "Janet, you’re tough. You can endure!" When I read "WELL" I realized that there was a difference in waking up in the morning and enduring WELL.
I never got my sons back in their youth, but I did learn that God loved me and was in control. I know that he loves you too. Through my experience and my trials I developed a deep and abiding faith in God and in his love for his children. I knew in my heart that everything would work out in the end. Two decades later, things still haven’t totally worked out, but in God's own time I know they will. I know it is hard, but keep the faith.
Heather and many of her friends haven’t even had a date in years, even when they were still at BYU. Now people tell them the train is leaving without them and try to push them into relationships that don’t consider eternity so they won’t miss out on a family. Hard as it is to understand and remember when you are longing for a family, God’s timing is impeccable. He is a perfect father who loves you. He knows the whole picture and will bless you when the time is right. I know this.
I will keep you in my prayers.
I love you!
Aunt Janet
You are one of the neatest people I have ever met. We love you guys and think of you often!
Oh Bek- I am sorry to hear that!I'm starting to understand the frustration too. There are so many people I know right now who are struggling to get pregnant. Know that you are in my prayers! I hope you also know that you inspire me! I love you Rebekah!
Lori
We will pray for you and Troy. Thanks for sharing those things you have learned and thanks for being such a sweet friend.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through! You must feel like you are on such an emotional roller coaster. We love you guys!
i know how you feel. it's one of the hardest things ever! it took us 4 years to get Lyvia- but she is worth the wait. i'll be thinking of you and praying that it can "take" soon. i'm a good listening ear if you need anything...
:) bryttin
(your senior babe friend!)
Thanks so much to all of you for your kind words and love. They have helped more than you know. I'm doing better now. I love you all and hope that no matter what life throws at y'all that you'll come out stronger.
Bekah! You are an amazing woman and one of my best friends! I want you to know that you can call me anytime if you need anything, I would call you and tell you this but you never answer your phone! :) I love you and want you to know that I am always think'n about cha.
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